When I'm aged, and happen upon life's finish line, I want to rest assured that I'll feel as though I did my best. In everything. From double knotting my shoes, to teaching our kids to love themselves, to having a most forgiving heart, to having faith in myself when that seems impossible.
Though the daily pace of life seems quick from dawn till dusk, I feel more recharged than I have felt in a long time. I felt like a train, begging for a derailment. Really. Christmas, paired with my nursing job allowed me to see clearly through my once-thought-to-be rose colored glasses ... I needed to refocus. My family needed my time, more than anyone else. The stark reality of my 'ah-ha' moment came when I stretched in bed one morning, while the kids had snuck downstairs early to quietly play by the Christmas tree. The fun turned in an instant to a hiss. Brock was letting Tatum know he wasn't happy, and she needed to stop. Now. In a HISS! I shuddered. And then undeniably, my heart sank. This was how they heard me talking, much more frequently than I am happy to acknowledge.
But this was good.
And then I became excited.
I felt a weight lift off my shoulders the moment I commited more of my time and energy to my family. My nursing job helps keep me grounded. I love my job, and the people I meet on a daily basis. Their challenges are real, and often times, more challenging than I'll ever have to face. Recently I have seen friends with very sick children. Parents who have let their children's treatment fall out of reach, not by choice, but because finances won't allow the prescription to be filled as it is prescribed. And even more inspiring, I see relationships - both good and bad - between people, and that drives me intensely to be the best person I can be, and be proud of.
I want to be a good mom. I AM a good mom. Tonight, we had supper, and before bed played a game of flashlight hide and seek, per Tatum's request. All five of us were dashing around the house, ducking in to quiet dark places, trying to contain our laughter as we heard the seeker coming to sniff our trail...
I need more nights like that. We all need more nights like that :) I have started to see clearly, through my rose colored glasses.